bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
