'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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