he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I stole a fireplace last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
