come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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