I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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