Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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