Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
