Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
