I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize