I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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