She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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