yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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