We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
