Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
