mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
