once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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