You're completely useless in the revolution.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
