But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
