My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
