Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
