he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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