my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
