She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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