my vag is so smooth its legendary
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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