love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
