I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
