I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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