after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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