I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
