chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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