Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
