Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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