Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
