If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
