The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
