I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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