Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
