u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
