ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
