Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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