I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
