Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
