i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's the barista slut.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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