Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
