i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
