I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
