Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
