His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
