I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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