You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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