She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
