i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize