I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They have beer where we have blood.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize