so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
