yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
