So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
