I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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