So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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