Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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