sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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