i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
