She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
