Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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