bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
