Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
