yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
